Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 608 share tweet
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
