Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
