break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
