Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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