what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Randomize
