At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
i believe in u and ur pee
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
