He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
