there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
