Three words: puerto rican gang bang
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
