Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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