You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
