she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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