I could have mohawked her pubes.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
