She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
