Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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