Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
