i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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