the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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