Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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