I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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