you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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