does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
