Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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