one might say we're banned from that church
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
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