I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
