you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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