Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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