i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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