I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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