So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
