yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
