I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Randomize
