that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
