She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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