My balls are so social today.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize