Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
