I just made out with a guy for $7.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Randomize
