i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
