My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
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