Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
