so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
