im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
