My cat gives me a boner
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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