Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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