Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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