38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
