Girls should come with a carfax report
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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