Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
