ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
