i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
