Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
