Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
