So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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