babies were throwing up all over the place
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
