eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
