We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
