Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
