I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize