I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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