I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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