2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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