Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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