Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
