yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Randomize
