He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
