Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
