Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
